Journey of an addict
13 wholes years have gone by
I still remember that night I went so hard I ended up in a clinic...
Did I feel shame guilt? No just wanted to get that high
When that door slammed behind me. What I did feel was the coldness of rock bottom & knew in that moment I finally had to get sober not for anyone else as at that time only my addiction mattered to me.
But for me...
The journey was going to be hard so hard but I so wanted to beat this all that was left was for me to actually fight this
See when you get sober clean you truly have to only want to do this for you
No matter what affect your having on everyone around you this isn’t going to keep you sober it will just mask it for a while then the relapses with kick in.
The lies will start the hidden bottles appear
Basically the pressure of making others happy leads you to relapse then right back into the addiction.
What’s going to keep you on the path to recovery is doing it for you only
Yes selfish you may think
But we are selfish people
Through the addiction then through the start of getting sober
Hard fact hard reality
But addicts are selfish
Even the thought of loosing my little family my home my family my friends my job basically everything I didn’t give one once of f***s
Day one hits hard
Week one even harder
I go on a massive bender go hard or go home
Thank god I wake the next day with a feeling that I’ve never felt before
I’m never doing this again
This was and would be to date my only relapse
Week two shakes sweats head a totally mess but I’ve got this I think
One month in I don’t think I can cope I don’t know if I’m ready I can’t deal with everyone on my case having no financial control no trust I’m a selfish asshole who just wants out
Up to year 3 I couldn’t wouldn’t go to any function as I just didn’t trust myself.
Yes 36 months of being sober I still had the devil on my shoulder no drinks could be left indoors as I knew I could and most probably would drink it
When I hit my 4 anniversary
I woke with a clear head for the first time
The devil whispered as normal your not strong enough to withstand this storm
The very first time a whispered back I am the whole storm
And that’s when I started a whole new journey
A new holly grew obviously parts of me stayed the same as that’s just the holly woo everyone loved or hated even before the addiction started.
But wow how I’ve loved becoming the new me
Growing strength daily
There’s been many times I could of so easily slipped backwards started the addiction again as life hasn’t been that kind to us.
But I never nor wanted too
And that right there is the key the want the need to stay clean and sober
I’ve gained a new way of thinking which helps me when the devil pops up
I know some may roll there eyes
The haters will be yeah ok she’s dabbled through that time
The judges will be judging
But the love support and finally gaining the trust of my amazing husband family and friends our way any of the above
So here goes
Good fucking morning Facebook family friends haters
My name is Holly im a recovering addict
Today marks my...
4745 days from when I took my last drink & hit
677.7 weeks of becoming the holly you all love or hate to love
156 months of gaining trust back from everyone I hurt
& finally 13 years of falling in love with the woman I have become
So when the devil whispers
Your not strong enough to withstand the storm
Always remember to scream back
I am the whole storm!
And today I own this story
**WOW!! HOLLY YOU HAVE DONE AMAZING!!!What a fantastic story and journey of recovery. I am so proud of you my friend you a have done amazing**
If you would like to share your story or have a shout out of your recovery please get in touch you could inspire others and you could save a life!
